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Dealing with parental alienation

Ouderverstoting, ook wel oudervervreemding,  Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) of gezinsverstoting, is een term die wordt gebruikt wanneer een kind na een scheiding de band met een van de ouders verbreekt.

Ouderverstoting door beïnvloeding kind
In geval van ouderverstoting worden de ouders vaak aangeduid als binnen ouder en buiten ouder. Verstoting ontstaat door beïnvloeding van het kind door de binnen ouder naar de buiten ouder. Ondanks dat de relatie voor de scheiding tussen de verstoten ouder en het betreffende kind voor de scheiding goed was!

Vechtscheidingen van grote invloed
Ouderverstoting is een complex en pijnlijk probleem. Met name vechtscheidingen hebben hierop een grote invloed. De ouder die het kind tegen de andere ouder opzet, doet dit vaak bewust door negatieve verhalen te vertellen, de band met de andere ouder te ondermijnen en/of door de omgangsregeling, zoals ouderschapsplan, te saboteren.

Veel voorkomend onbesproken probleem
Ouderverstoting is een veel voorkomend en onbesproken probleem welke veel leed veroorzaakt onder o.a. bij de  verstoten ouder, het kind, kinderen, familie en betrokken omgeving.

Met name voor de verstoten ouder en het betreffende kind zorgt dit o.a. voor eenzaamheid, stress angst en disbalans.

Feel the Space to Breathe and Share your Story

This is the place where you can and may land. The space where your inner world takes center stage. We understand that some topics are vulnerable and difficult to share. We want you to know that you’re not alone in this and that we’re here to truly listen to you. Without judgment, with genuine attention. Here you don’t need to force anything or hide anything. You have the freedom to ask for insights specific to your problem. Feel free to share what you feel to work towards a customized solution for you.

The Power of Sharing and Growing

Perhaps you’ve been carrying something for a while that you’d like to explore, but you’re not sure where to begin. That’s okay. Sharing your story is a first and courageous step. An opening to new insights and a deeper understanding of yourself. Imagine how liberating it can be to find the words for what lies so close to your soul. To discover that you’re not alone in your experiences. On the way to a new growth phase of positive change and self-compassion.

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    Is Parental Alienation a Taboo?

    Below are ten reasons why parental alienation is an unspoken problem.

    It’s a heartbreaking reality: many parents experience deep shame and sadness when their child distances themselves or rejects them. This feeling is completely understandable. It’s human to wonder if you’ve done something wrong, even if you know the situation is more complex and not your fault. That fear of others’ judgment, the fear that people think you’ve failed as a parent, can weigh enormously.

    Know that you’re not alone in this struggle. These feelings of shame and isolation are common in parental alienation, and it’s crucial to remember that your worth as a parent doesn’t depend on your child’s actions in these difficult circumstances. There is room to share these painful feelings and to discover that understanding and support are available.

    That’s why we invite you to delve deeper into the insights of seven experts who are addressing this complex issue. Coach BMGRB specifically offers tools and guidance to learn how to deal with these overwhelming emotions and find your way in this process. It’s time to let go of the burden of shame and recognize that you are resilient, even in the most challenging times.

    Children find themselves in an impossible position, often too afraid to openly talk about their deepest feelings for fear of hurting or “betraying” one parent in favor of the other. This silence is often not unwillingness, but a survival mechanism – their only way to handle the overwhelming tension and uncertainty of the situation.

    What is already incredibly complex and painful for you as an adult is exponentially more difficult for a child. They lack the life experience and emotional tools to process such intense pressure. Their inner struggle is often invisible, but just as real and devastating.

    It’s crucial to realize that your child’s silence doesn’t mean there’s no pain. On the contrary, it indicates a deep inner struggle that requires professional attention and understanding.

    Coach BMGRB is ready to guide you through this delicate issue. Don’t hesitate to ask your questions and seek the support needed to help your child navigate this difficult period. Together, we can take steps to understand their inner world and provide them with the safety they so desperately need.

    It’s a painful reality that parental alienation is unfortunately still too often not recognized by crucial professionals such as caregivers, teachers, and even judges. What is a deep wound for parents is sometimes dismissed as ‘normal divorce issues’, causing the severity of the situation to be seriously underestimated.

    This misrecognition creates a vicious circle of misunderstanding and frustration. In practice, it often turns out that no one really sees an active role for themselves in addressing parental alienation. It’s an unspoken problem, a taboo that has profound consequences for both the alienated parent and the child. This silence only makes the burden heavier and the path to recovery longer.

    Breakthrough in Understanding and Support

    Know that you’re not alone in this struggle. It’s time to break the silence and make your voice heard. With Coach BMGRB, you finally get the opportunity to share your experiences and problems surrounding parental alienation in a safe and understanding environment.

    Here, you will always get answers and insights from experts who do recognize the complexity and pain of parental alienation. Together, we can break through the invisibility and take steps towards recognition and recovery. Are you ready to share your story and find the support you deserve?

    It’s a deeply frustrating and painful reality: the parent with whom the child lives – often, but not always, the mother – often enjoys a certain social protection. Criticism of this so-called “caring parent”, even if that parent is demonstrably harming the child, is extremely sensitive. It feels as if you no longer matter, as if your voice and concerns don’t matter, while that’s absolutely not the case.

    This situation can lead to a feeling of powerlessness. Criticism of the caring parent is quickly seen as an attack, or as an attempt to undermine, rather than as a legitimate concern for the child’s well-being. This is extra bitter, because especially as a (grand)parent, it’s crucial to think about the harmful effects of parental alienation on your grandchildren. You want to protect the children, but how do you do that in a good way, without further escalating the situation or causing arguments?

    A Safe Space for your Story

    These dilemmas are complex and emotionally charged. It requires a careful approach, insight, and strategies that go beyond what you can come up with on your own. That’s why it’s essential to share your story in a safe and understanding environment.

    Coach BMGRB offers that space. Here, you can describe your specific situation in detail and gain the insights needed to come to terms with this incredibly difficult dynamic. You don’t have to carry this burden alone. By sharing your experiences, you can find the tools needed to deal with this situation constructively and ultimately prioritize the well-being of the children.

    Dutch law still struggles with parental alienation. Although it’s increasingly recognized as a serious issue, it’s often difficult to prove in legal proceedings. Judges strive for neutrality, but in practice, this can lead to avoiding difficult judgments, leaving the alienated parent empty-handed.

    A poignant example of this is the parenting plan. Although legally binding, it’s unfortunately rarely adhered to in cases of parental alienation. Even if a judge sets clear requirements, it turns out that the parent with whom the child resides often simply doesn’t comply. This literally makes the children pay the price; they are the victims of parents’ unwillingness to communicate and work together.

    As an alienated parent, this can make you fall into a deep hole, full of feelings of powerlessness and injustice. It’s then essential to gain insight into the situation and to know that you’re not alone. Coach BMGRB can be a valuable first step to help you understand this complex situation and support you with opinions and perspectives from experts. This can help you become stronger as a person and find a way in these challenging circumstances.

    Those involved, such as family members and even caregivers, are often reluctant to name parental alienation for fear of worsening the situation or putting even more pressure on the child. No one wants arguments or escalation, especially when a child’s vulnerable position is at stake.

    But as the saying goes: “soft healers make stinking wounds.” By ignoring the elephant in the room, the underlying problem isn’t solved, and the long-term damage to the child can be even greater. The question remains: how can you bring up this extremely sensitive topic constructively without it immediately leading to arguments or further estrangement?

    Breaking the Silence, with Caution

    Breaking this taboo requires courage, insight, and the right approach. It’s a delicate balance between acknowledging the seriousness of the situation and avoiding confrontation that definitively closes doors. This calls for strategies focused on understanding, communication, and the child’s well-being as the central starting point.

    That’s why it’s invaluable to enrich yourself with the insights of BMGRB’s experts. They can provide you with the knowledge and tools to engage in these complex conversations, recognize the signs of parental alienation, and take steps towards a solution without unnecessarily worsening the situation. It’s time to break the silence, with caution and with the right support.

    Parental alienation is a topic that deeply affects the core of parent-child relationships, and it’s completely understandable that there’s an immense emotional charge attached to it. Talking about this is incredibly difficult, often without immediate judgment or strong emotions playing a role. This makes it one of the most delicate and heartbreaking situations a family can go through.

    Children are extremely sensitive; they flawlessly sense what the environment feels. They absorb the sadness, fear, and sometimes even panic that prevails. The situation becomes even more complex when judgments about the other parent are made, especially if this happens from the environment. This creates a toxic atmosphere in which a child feels torn and often doesn’t find a safe place to be themselves.

    A Path through Emotional Complexity

    The big question that remains is: how can you be present in all these emotions – yours, those of the child, and those of the environment – without the child ultimately literally paying the price, with long-term consequences for their future? How do you offer stability and love when the ground beneath your feet seems to be slipping away?

    This path is complex and requires empathy, resilience, and the courage to seek support. We invite you to share your story. There is a safe space where you are heard, without judgment, and where you can find the recognition and guidance needed to guide both yourself and the child through this difficult period. You don’t have to carry this alone.

    It’s a painful reality that parental alienation, despite its profound impact, lacks clear legal recognition or specific policies in many countries – including the Netherlands and Belgium. This lack of official status makes the topic painfully invisible. It’s often not seen as a standalone problem, causing parents who face this to feel misunderstood and abandoned.

    The police, for example, often can’t do anything because of this, unless the situation escalates to extreme forms such as kidnapping or serious violence. This means that many parents and children are in a legal no man’s land, without effective means to stop or address the alienation. Every year, we read tragic reports in the newspapers about parents or children who saw no way out anymore, painfully emphasizing the seriousness of this invisible problem.

    Early Intervention and Recovery

    It’s crucial to prevent this escalation and avoid ending up in such a hopeless situation. It’s essential to maintain your own balance and look for ways to deal with the immense emotional burden.

    That’s why we invite you to share your story in a safe and understanding environment. Gathering information, acknowledging your feelings, and finding tools that can be healing, is a powerful first step towards recovery. Don’t wait until the situation becomes unbearable; give yourself the space to be heard and find the support you need.

    You stand incredibly alone when your environment can’t comprehend how a child could voluntarily break contact with a parent “without reason”. This deep-rooted misunderstanding makes finding support, which is so essential in times of parental alienation, extremely difficult. You feel alone in your pain, while you long so much for understanding and recognition.

    This lack of understanding is especially noticeable toward children who are already further along in their independent thinking, particularly adolescents. The adolescent brain is already a complex phenomenon that many never fully comprehend. Imagine how overwhelming it is when this adolescent brain decides to reject a parent. Society often seeks quick, simple explanations, and in the worst cases, serious accusations like “me too” are even misused to completely push away the rejected parent. This can function as a distorted survival strategy for the child, but it leaves the rejected parent with immense damage and injustice.

    A Path to Understanding and Healing

    This dynamic is painful and creates a vicious cycle of misrecognition. It’s crucial to acknowledge that the reasons for parental alienation are rarely simple and often run deeper than what’s visible on the surface. You deserve to be heard, without judgment.

    It’s of great importance to share your story and seek out those who do understand the complexity of parental alienation. Only then can you begin the path to recovery and healing, and find the strength to deal with this deep misunderstanding.

    Ouderverstoting is een verborgen tragedie die zich vaak binnenshuis en op subtiele wijze afspeelt. Juist daardoor is het voor buitenstaanders moeilijk waarneembaar en krijgt het helaas weinig maatschappelijke aandacht. Het is een stille epidemie die diepe littekens achterlaat, onzichtbaar voor de buitenwereld, maar des te voelbaarder voor de getroffenen.

    Onbespreekbare problemen, zoals deze vorm van manipulatie, kunnen een immense impact hebben op zowel jouw leven als dat van je kind. Een zichtbaar wondje is eenvoudig te verzorgen; je plakt er een pleister op en het heelt snel. Maar hoe plak je een pleister op een onzichtbare doctrine of jarenlange manipulatie? Welke behandeling past daarbij, en hoe begin je met helen als de bron van de pijn zo ongrijpbaar is?

    De weg terug naar innerlijke kracht

    Het is een beangstigende gedachte, maar de eerste stap ligt in het vinden van je innerlijke kracht om wegen te vinden om dit een plek te geven. Dit is geen gemakkelijke opgave, maar wel een cruciale. Het proces van opschrijven en delen van je verhaal bij een coach zoals BMGRB kan van onmetelijke waarde zijn. Het verkrijgen van reflectie en erkenning op jouw ervaringen kan de eerste, broodnodige pleister zijn op deze onzichtbare wond. Je hoeft dit niet alleen te dragen; er is steun om jouw verhaal te ontwarren en de weg naar herstel te vinden.

    ouderverstoting

    The challenges surrounding parental alienation can be overwhelming and lead to feelings of powerlessness. It’s crucial to understand the underlying mechanisms and develop effective strategies to navigate this painful situation. I’m ready to support you with the combined expertise of psychology, specialized coaching, and relevant legal and scientific insights.

    Once you contact me, you can choose a customized advisory report. This report is specifically developed for your situation and contains essential perspectives and concrete steps. It helps you understand the complexity of parental alienation, strengthen your own role, and create opportunities for positive change within your family. This is not standard advice, but a detailed action plan.

    For just €29.95 you receive this powerful document, an indispensable source of clarity and empowerment. It provides the foundations for breaking the cycle of alienation and building a healthier family relationship.

    This post is also available in: Dutch